I cant begin to describe what losing your best friend feels like. It’s like a string being cut and desperately trying to tie it back together. And then it feels like trying to put to negative magnets together. They just push each other away no matter how hard you try. And even if you manage to get the two together theres no stick. One little thing and it’s back to butting heads.
But the emotional pain is even greater. It’s like a break up. In my case a break up of a 7 year relationship. You miss being their go to person or their number 1. The perks of being labeled a best friend. You get that knife in the back of the throat feeling and all you want to do is break down and scream.
But no one is listening.
What’s even worse is the fact that this isn’t my fault. And I don’t consider it entirely yours. She’s done it to lots of friendships- I’ve watched it first hand. NEVER did I imagine she’d do it to us.
I feel like she creeped up like a snake. Slowly getting to people closer and closer to me and now it’s you. And I feel helpless as you feel for the trickery and mind games. I wish I could tell you but I can’t. Only the people that have seen it firsthand could. And by that point it will be too late.
It sucks being on the opposite end of it. Let me tell you. Because right now you’re happy while I fake a smile everyday. I pretend jealousy isn’t getting the best of me but lets be honest. I can be one jealous biatch.
You’re different around her. You defend her every word. Even when it’s me against her. I can’t even make a joke anymore without you snapping at me. And don’t get me started when it’s about her. You would think after all this time you would realize the difference between me joking and me being a straight up bitch. But I guess that’s what fake bitches do.
Everyone see’s it. Even your mom. Your dad. Your sister- the only other person on my level. Or so I thought. You protect her like a mother and flock to her like a child. I just don’t understand where I went so wrong.
The biggest problem is that me and her are friends. I do genuinely enjoy spending time with her. But I can’t stand to lose you. I deal bad enough with change. Slowly I’m losing bits of myself as you begin to fade away.
No one will ever understand my side. No one knows my story- in my opinion it’s a great one. But from the world’s view I’m average. But then again;
No one will ever understand me.
